i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
not ubering you a puppy
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