shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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