So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
