4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
