Your dad touched me again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
