Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
