Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
