We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
