There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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