My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize