Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
