I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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