I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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