is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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