as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
