best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
