somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
