Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
