He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
