you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
