it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She bit a glass in half.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
