in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize