He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
