You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This house was built for laser tag.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
