I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
