Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we made out on top of his cat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize