i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
