I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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