Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
