I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
