new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize