epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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