She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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