Your tits are I can't wait for
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
