Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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