The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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