You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
