i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
