i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
