Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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