True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
