Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
