mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize