dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
