Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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