In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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