does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
