Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
