My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
