She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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