1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
