dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
