i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
