Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
