yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
