Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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