Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
