apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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