and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
