Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
