That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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