In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
